“Forsooth,” commented Asgarth manfully. “Three days will bring us to Rivacheg, where I can finally vanquish the foe whom I am pledged to vanquish, and collect the reward which is my due.”
“But my lord,” breathed Rolf, “The contract expires in three days. What if thou dost not find the sea raiders at once?”
Asgarth unsheathed his long, mighty weapon and waved its naked length in Rolf’s face, who cowered in terror. “Do thou obey me or face the consequences!” he exclaimed.
Thus Asgarth charged across the hills and valleys and mountain passes of the Khergit Khanate unto the lands of the Vaegirs, lo! to the very gates of Rivacheg, and from there tracked down the roving sea raiders who had eluded him so long.
Soon did he find them, and pursued them unto their beachy lair, where their longships were loaded with their ill-gotten gains. “Now shall ye pay the price for thy murdering and plundering ways!” gasped Asgarth, charging upon the terrified sea raiders with his loyal warriors, murdering and plundering them.
The battle was swift as Asgarth swung his blade left and right, chopping off arms and legs and faces in an orgy of corporeal demolition, blood flying everywhere and seeping into the thirsting earth. When it was all over he stood joyfully amongst the crumpled remnants of his enemies. “At last we can now collect my reward!” he guffawed.
“Not really, my lord,” lamented Rolf. “The contract expired a few hours ago.”
“This is bullshit,” muttered Asgarth, gazing out across the limitless blue expanse of the Endless Ocean, towards his distant home.
*
DISCLAIMER
DISCLAIMER
Imagine my horror when I visited the pictures the other day in order to see new the big screen adaptation of The A-Team, something I've been eagerly anticipating for about twenty years, only to discover that Bosco "B.A." Baracus had been given a new catchphrase which I swear did not appear in the original TV show: "This is bullshit!"
I was so mad I threw my pick 'n' mix bag at the screen, but I was still mad so I got up and punched the screen, and then I was escorted out.
Given that I don't believe in coincidences, the only possible explanation is that some production crew member on the movie read my Asgarth stories and decided to steal Asgarth's catchphrase. I know the movie was probably finished before I wrote any of my Asgarth epic, but they can do wonders these days with digital technology. If they can retrofit a 2D movie into 3D, they can insert a few catchphrases they stole off someone's blog.
I'm not threatening court action or anything, but it's definitely a possibility. This genuinely is bullshit.
I was so mad I threw my pick 'n' mix bag at the screen, but I was still mad so I got up and punched the screen, and then I was escorted out.
Given that I don't believe in coincidences, the only possible explanation is that some production crew member on the movie read my Asgarth stories and decided to steal Asgarth's catchphrase. I know the movie was probably finished before I wrote any of my Asgarth epic, but they can do wonders these days with digital technology. If they can retrofit a 2D movie into 3D, they can insert a few catchphrases they stole off someone's blog.
I'm not threatening court action or anything, but it's definitely a possibility. This genuinely is bullshit.
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